An updated BDSM Test…What’s your kink and how has it evolved?

Thus asked a submissive rope bunny

It has been almost two years now since I first took the BDSM test at BDSMtest.org, which I find is fabulously insightful and accurate. My first BDSM test results told me some things about myself and encouraged me to explore in areas that I had not thought about, especially rope.

Recently, a domme I visited encouraged me to take the test again…she is curious to see what has changed and how. Well, not much and quite a lot. The results are pasted below. I was an “Experimentalist” and a “Rope Bunny” and I still am.

What has changed is that “submissive” has become the definitive definition. Kind of amusing given my recent posting and feelings that “I am not submissive anymore“. Plus ça change.

Equal billing at the top of the tree is “rope bunny”. Through hypnosis and therapy I have been able to resurface my early life as a rope bunny…and it makes you wonder how much of this is genetic. I was being tied up by girls in my neighbourhood when I was 5 years old and for many years after. To be able to come back to this now has been a real joy.

I am congenitally unable to say to a domme, even a pro-domme, that “I would like such and such”…it runs counter to my whole feelings as a submissive. Wanting it, sure, why not…but it isn’t the same to ask for something as to have it “taken”, such as freedom. Of course, this can be a nightmare for a pro-Domme, who wants to create a great session as much as a client wants to have one…and what I am looking for is quite possibly an impossibility–how about that?–or at the very least is quite presumptuous. After all, to go to a pro-Domme and say, what I really want to do is lose myself in service to you is a very, very big ask. One that might not have occurred to me before–there is a presumption of intimacy, of relevance, but also at least at the beginning, an absence of proof that it is worth her trouble.

That said, I am blessed with getting to play with someone who enjoys rope and who first introduced me to rope in a BDSM context the first time we played together. It was a magical experience…gentle, erotic, and exploratory. It was a wonderful way to be together, without words, just both of us lost in the act of rigging and the act of being bound.

Recently, I played with another Domme who informed me that she intended to tie me up, and that this was her favourite thing, other than being a primal. It was the first time I was suspended, and yes, she was most definitely primal…some months later I am still processing how my body overruled my rational mind. Her desire to go deeper into rope has led me to the art of Shibari, a martial art which is now bound up (hah) with kink, but is also gloriously aesthetic.

I write about chance and random connections, and it seems that every day of my life is filled with new ones. This is another one. I will soon be experiencing the art of Shibari with one of the world’s great practitioners. I have no idea what to expect, and in truth, I approach them with total openness and a sincere desire to just listen with my body. With their permission, I will share the experience here.

The other thing I find interesting about this list is that “age player” has moved up in the rankings. In a practical sense, being an ABDL, a diaper lover, a baby, has been since my earliest waking memories, an incredible vein of pleasure. But a few things have happened to me which have changed the role of that kink in my life. First, ex Mistress helped me liberate myself from shame in that regard by engaging with me in that kink (well after we had played together for a while and I was comfortable to do that with her). Second, her bottle-feeding of me was the watershed event that preceded my first major step in coming out as trans–going out in public dressed as I felt needed to be expressed. That is a gift that can never be repaid. Third, I have let go of fetish as a need for human connection–and this is the result of oestrogen taking over my brain. But I also have a real sense that “being a baby” is actually a bigger part of who I am than it was before, and I have been more “out” about it mainly to people in the community–even though I am not indulging it. Its funny how letting go of things can somehow make them more important.

Have you taken the BDSM Test? I’d love to hear from you if you have, and what you might have learned about yourself from doing so. Peace.

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Submissive
100% Rope bunny
96% Boy/Girl
92% Pet
88% Slave
81% Experimentalist
79% Ageplayer
76% Primal (Prey)
75% Masochist
64% Vanilla
63% Brat
56% Non-monogamist
55% Exhibitionist
32% Voyeur
10% Owner
9% Master/Mistress
7% Switch
6% Primal (Hunter)
6% Daddy/Mommy
4% Rigger
3% Degradee
0% Brat tamer
0% Sadist
0% Dominant
0% Degrader