I was out in a spiritual corner of England not long ago on a retreat. Some of us became friends and we ended up going on an outing together. It was a fine summer day and included two lovely meals, some great conversation, and plenty of spiritual and otherworldly coincidence.
One such incident was that a woman I was rather taken by who had agreed to join us for lunch lost her phone and could no longer find her way around—and of all things, I happened to bump into her randomly in the wrong town and bring her along.
Before that, I also had a small car accident—reversing into, and denting, a proverbial white van. The Brits among you will know about the drivers of white vans. Some rough and ready guys piled out ready to tussle with me but became as soft as lambs and very gentlemanly when they saw my legs! Hah. Just kidding. I was actually quite scared, but without reason, they were very kind.
But it was when shopping when the real fun began. There were some great purchases along the way, mostly throws, shawls, and blankets, but the best came about when we entered shops that were catering to the witches among us.
I have been looking for a year for a large piece of rose quartz, a stone whose energy I felt in tune with and have wanted to wear. I was looking for a simple setting, in sterling, though substantial and well made. Having looked quite literally all over: Argentina, Peru, New York LA, all over Europe, I had given up. I figured I would have to get it custom made. But then, in this shop in this village in England, there it was.
“Oh, could I see that piece? It’s beautiful, what is it?”
“That one? It’s kunzite,” she said. It looked a bit like rose quartz, was still pink, though had more blue in it, almost a lilac purple colour.
“I don’t know kunzite,” I said, feeling its wait in my hand. It was a lovely oval shape, oblong, the same width at top and bottom, and banded with a wide silver band around.
“Kunzite is the stone of the Female Buddha,” she said, “it carries powerful female energy.”
“That’s perfect for you,” said one of my companions.”
“I don’t know the Female Buddha,” I said. She explained. And later, I read, and discovered that the origins of the female buddha were neither male nor female, but both. An interesting development. By then I had already acquired it and a lovely silver chain.
The Female Buddha: Link below
I was thrilled with my purchase and we were soon in another shop where one of my new friends was interested in getting a tarot reading from a local witch. My friend is a bit of a witch herself, and carries powerful energy. The witch looked at her and said, “I’m tired, I won’t be doing any more readings today.” This became a source of interesting conversation, but we were in her shop, and in this shop were many, many different decks of tarot cards.
“Do you do much with Tarot?” asked one of my companions.
“I used to have a deck when I was a teen. I loved it. But those days have been long forgotten.” On my life trajectory, it was my teen years when I most clearly manifested witchy energy…I dressed like one when I could and was deeply into esoteric everything, read so many books by and about witches, was into all kinds of alternative energy practices. I don’t know why I gave it up.
“You should get a new deck,” my friend said, “close your eyes, and the right one will call to you.” And so I did. And then I opened them and stepped towards a deck that had a green box, and I opened it, and opened the deck randomly to the middle, and showed the card to my friend…it was the female buddha.
“Well that settles it,” she said. And it did. It is a deck that speaks of female power, and all of the cards in it are about iconic cultural signifiers of femininity. The cards are beautiful. It is called the Goddess deck.
I was also purchased a “traditional” deck of Tarot cards, with all the minor and major arcana, and again was drawn to that deck. I am not an expert in this area—in fact I would suggest I am less than a novice, but I am open, and have been struck by the cards I have pulled. These are the ones. You be the judge. At the time of this posting, these are the only times I have pulled cards. Eery.
In each instance I have thought carefully about a specific question and chewed it over and over in my mind as I have shuffled the tarot cards. I have continued asking the question and shuffling and really concentrating until a card has just popped out of the deck on its own. You can say dropped, if you wish.
Naturally, I am scared and anxious about my future, with all that is going in my life with its many transitions, whether from divorce or my gender.
Question: Will I successfully integrate financial health and well-being, career, gender, and my future? The card that fell out? Strength.
According to Biddy Tarot, here is what that card means.
The strength card represents strength, determination and power. On the traditional card, a woman strokes a lion [a very small number of people will know the personal significance of that symbolism, but the rest should easily guess]. This card speaks of inner strength, but also the need to tame your animal instincts, gut feelings and to control and channel your raw emotions. This is no time to act in rage or hatred, but to show compassion, forgiveness and love. [Can you believe it, the write up actually suggests to work with a therapist on this!].
Question: What is going to happen to me in the future? The card that fell out? The World.
According to Biddy Tarot, here is what the World means.
The World means that you are glowing with a sense of completeness, wholeness, and fulfilment. You have finally achieved your goal or purpose. It represents an end to a cycle and a whole new beginning. The World also asks that you tie up loose ends.
How can that not be far out in relation to coming out as transgender and finally accepting myself?
Question: Should I submit to and work with my former therapist? [And oh boy, is that another post altogether!]. In relation to her, I pulled the Queen of Cups, and in relation to me I pulled the Knight of Cups.
According to Biddy Tarot, here are those meanings.
The Queen of Cups embodies the nurturing and mothering energy. Creative, in flow, in tune with the surroundings. People confide in this person, come to them for insights on personal issues, feelings. This person sees the Divine in those you meet. Drawing this card is asking you to trust your intuition.
The Knight of Cups is the classic romantic, in touch with intuition and emotions. He is compassionate and understanding. Such a person thrives on all things beautiful and creative. There may be a “calling” which pulls you forward.
Pretty wild for a therapist, right? Especially given that her work with me has centred around attachment and attunement between my inner child and the mother figure.
I pulled again on this same topic a few days later just before speaking to her on a more practical level about things we might do. The outcome? In relation to her, 3 of Pentacles, and to me, Page of Cups.
Here is Labyrinthos’s reference to each of these two cards.
The Three of Pentacles suggests a coming together of expertise and skills to accomplish certain goals. It marks a successful beginning. It suggests that you are pooling your efforts with others to pursue larger goals. It also represents tracking towards material goals.
Given that this is exactly what we were talking about, it is positively uncanny.
The page of cups is an imaginative, sensitive, or creative person. It represents unexpected inspiration coming from the unconscious. It speaks to the importance of being open to new ideas, tackling things from a totally new perspective.
And finally, I am most perplexed by the following card as I have pulled it twice in relation to the same person, a new person I have met, and who I am rather taken by. The question was the role she is likely to play in my life, and whether she would be significant or insignificant. I asked the same question 3 days apart. The first time I was troubled by the card. The second time, getting the same card, the answer is clear. The card? Ten of Swords.
Here is the Biddy Tarot interpretation of the Ten of Swords.
This card is about betrayal and ending. A relationship may be cut or coming to an abrupt end. Someone may have cheated on you, betrayed your trust, and you are reeling. It also implies that you may be playing the victim or asking others to take pity on you. How you respond to this betrayal is what matters. You can choose to pick yourself up and move on. It is about letting go and accepting your current circumstances. Reflect. Think about your fullest potential. Draw wisdom from defeat.
My interpretation of this card in relation to the person I was asking about is that I am faced with the abrupt end of my marriage in divorce, and that this person represents a new beginning. But how they represent this is embodied in the card. They play this role, enable a new beginning, only if I learn from the break, and react with strength and purpose. Move on with strength and you will thrive; wallow in despair and you are lost.
If you know anything about Tarot, I would love to hear from you. Especially if you have insights into what these cards might mean.
Do I have any doubt that there is power and meaning in these cards and in the draws that have occurred? Not at all. What I do know, however, is that I have no clue—I am like a firehose on full power, blasting in every direction, and need to learn self-control.