The Incredible Beauty of a Pro-Domme. It is performance art played out with empathy and skill

The Dominatrix is an artist

Just the whole idea of the Professional Dominatrix is so utterly and totally enchanting to me.  People, it is just so beautiful that a woman can making a living doing this.  And yet, I fear I am in the minority.  Admittedly, I am not an experienced consumer, but you don’t really need to be in the market to appreciate what a Pro-Domme does.

And may I just say before I begin that my budding relationship with a dominatrix, I had no reference.  Yes, I did spend a long, long time before I found her, and yes, not a day passes where I am not on my knees thanking all the spirits of the world that she has taken me under her wing.  I also understand that other people will seek different things, and it’s very important for someone embarking on this path to do the homework needed to find the right person.

There are many, many Dommes who advertise themselves in one way or another on the various social platforms.  Tons of them already offering services, particularly those who cater to those who wish to be degraded, debased or dominated financially.  There are also plenty of fetish-fulfillers.  Sometimes, though relatively rarely, I am on the receiving end of requests to dominate someone.  A titillating proposition, but not one I intend to let play out.  But the approaches serve to educate me.

First, there are a lot of potential clients who “never pay”.  They want to go online, get their rocks off (excuse my vulgarity) and then go do something else.  The internet is filled with free or inexpensive images and films that can serve to titillate and satisfy.  Indeed, there is a whole adult industry that is built around this concept.  In the end, you do pay, in one form or another, so there is no need to be holy about it.

Some guys might say, “I never pay,” as if that is some macho achievement.  As if to imply that the only reason someone would pay is because they couldn’t “get any” if they didn’t.  That’s an absurd notion.  When you go for a massage with a happy ending, you are paying, but how much is the massage and how much is the happy ending?  When you go out with an escort what price companionship, and what price hanky panky?  And in truth, it is irrelevant.  There are plenty of things that a sex worker can bring into your life that you simply cannot find in vanilla life.  A unique perspective, an absence of judgement, deep knowledge about the human condition and sexuality.

We all have our motivations.  In my case, I have to pay.  I wrote about that here. It is the condition that my SO imposed to allow me the freedom to explore D/s with another person.  She (my wife) is comforted by the whippings taking place within the context of a professional relationship.  I am very fortunate to have such an understanding partner.  But I also share her view of its importance, but for different reasons, and ones which I might not have understood before I began.  First, the professional context is deeply liberating.  I will come back to this, but the boundaries that exist because it is a professional relationship are actually solid guard rails, and their solidity allows us to fly.  When you know what is in-bounds and out-of-bounds, it makes everything much simpler and easier to understand.  Lord knows that what happens within a D/s relationship is complex enough.  To be able to rely on rules is primordial.  I think that this is a universal truth, not just because I am already married and need to experience D/s in a way that does not interfere with my life.  Those benefits should accrue to anyone so tempted.

In my case, it is chaste love which is the enabler of all. I have written about this a few times (Chivalry and Horses and Chaste Love), and can feel that it is topic that I will continue to return to.  Chaste love could not exist for me outside of a professional relationship; the risks would be too great.

Mistress and I have not talked about sex work, prostitution, escorts, and the broader topics of what people pay for in this world.  I should love to hear her perspective on this one day.  But in truth, we never seem to run out of things to talk about, and while I have a billion questions for Mistress, because she has so much to teach, and in areas where I would forever be her eager student, I don’t go there because where we go already is so deeply fulfilling and it just happens.

Seeing a professional means paying for her time.  Personally, I regard that as basic hygiene. Seeing a Mistress is expensive.  If you have on the one extreme sitting in the privacy of your home and viewing “free” online images, where your payment is simply the subsidy that the porn industry provides to the ISP (measured by the cost of online access) to the other extreme where “call girls” of the most rarefied kind provide “entertainment”.  What is happening is a basic economic formula.  First, supply and demand.  There are many more men who seek than women who wish to provide.  This is true in sex work as it is true in nature.  Step up boys, it is a law of the universe.  Women choose, and men compete to get into the consideration set.  Just watch pigeons in the park one day.  Almost every species is wired for this.

Second, the degree of creativity, how bespoke the service is, and how unusual, all affect its price.  In other words, if you are really kinky, and you are looking for someone who is going to indulge really kinky, then it will be more expensive.  If the provider is more talented, more experienced, more sought after, and more beautiful than others, then it will also be more expensive.

In my ramblings I have discovered that escorts who provide “full service” can be the most expensive of all, and that means quite a lot.  I know that there are many different ways to react to the concept of paying.  Here is my reaction.  I love it.  I don’t love it in a Findom way, which is most definitely not my kink (and I mean, not at all), but because it is beautiful.  The idea that a woman can make as much money by the hour as a high-priced Wall Street lawyer by leveraging her natural talents I think is beyond beautiful.

First, the politics of it are fantastic.  It is a thumb in the eye of the patriarchy.  It challenges everything that we are all supposed to accept about human behaviour and sexuality.  Men are deeply threatened by a woman who is awake to her power.  I find such a woman intoxicating.  But the idea that a woman, using her intuition, her God-given assets, and the utterly seductive power of the Earth Mother, nurturing, strong, enduring—Ohhh, I am in a puddle at her feet just thinking about it…And yes, such a woman should indeed inherit the earth.  And if this boy can work in her symbolic garden, then I should be grateful for it.

When I think of paying Mistress to see her, I am so happy for her.  I am so happy that there are many of us loyal, good, submissive, earnest, respectful, hard-working, devoted, loving people who lavish her in so many ways, because such a woman deserves it.  And I love that this provides her some level of comfort and independence.  It is truly beautiful.

For any pro-Domme who can make a living doing what they do it is fantastic!  How beautiful and empowering.  Liberating.  Mistress is a role model.  So are all of the other women who do this for a living.  I would love to see in my lifetime the stigma attached to this world disappear, and for this to be regarded as a viable career. It certainly should be…it requires empathy, intelligence, skill, deep training, and a PhD in psychology as well as many other attributes.  It is also an unnecessarily risky profession…Worst of all, it attracts social opprobrium, stigma.  So, it takes strength of character.  And if you want to be good at it, you need to work hard and hustle.  All of these are attributes that would apply to the steps one takes to make it to the C-Suite.  I know; I have.  But all of that is nothing compared to the headwinds that a Mistress faces to hit her stride.

We call it sex work, and that is indeed a very broad term.  In my limited experience with Mistress, this doesn’t seem to accurately describe what we do together.  It feels a lot more to me like going to be with a priestess.  She may tease me, she may ask me to be stripped bare before her, we may dabble on the fringes of the erotic.  But in truth, we are digging deep into an emotional landscape, and all of these other things are but tools in the service of getting there, of being open, emotional, raw, so as to allow the spirits to flow in.  It is quasi-religious.  I am sure that this is different for any other sub both with Mistress or any other Mistress…and therein lies the beauty.  It is a bespoke.  It takes two very open and inventive people to create a world together.  That is something of incredible delicacy, rarity, and beauty.

I often call Mistress “Goddess”.  I don’t literally mean that she is a Goddess.  But I am deeply spiritual, some would say religious (particularly the atheists in my family), and I believe that we are surrounded by spirit forces if just learn to listen to them.  I also believe that things don’t happen by accident—we are prepared for luck, we don’t get lucky.  It was not an accident that I found my way to this particular Mistress.  And the number of “accidents” that have happened, curious little coincidences, that have served to increase my devotion to her, are not chance happenings.  The universe will come into alignment for those who allow it. 

Mistress is light years ahead of me in her connectedness to the world around her, the natural world, the spirit world, her intuition, her feeling knowledge.  I was like this when I was young, but a lifetime of living by social rules had silenced the voices that used to keep me company until I was in my teens.  I am finding them again, and in so doing, coming back to life.

So, why a Goddess?  Because there are people in this world who are in touch with themselves and the natural world in ways that the rest of us are not.  They are mediums, spirit guides.  I know that I have immense magic inside of me, but have long lost the ability to summon it at will, to control or direct it, to let it fly.  Mistress does not have that limitation.  She has cultivated it and allowed it to flourish, and being with her, listening to her, learning from her, hearing her, feeling her, is like learning to speak again with myself, my true self, my id, my soul, my innermost beliefs and feelings.  And it takes someone who has Goddess coursing through her to be able to make this happen.  I am not blaspheming when I refer to Her thus, I am simply recognising that Mistress is a most magical and powerful human being.  I am, however, speaking to the force of Nature that courses through Her, and in so doing, referring to Her as a Goddess is the most natural thing in the world.

Should I feel any guilt about this?  Should I feel judged by social stigma because I am exploring these things with a Dominatrix?  I cannot imagine why.  In fact, I am so thrilled to be experiencing what I am experiencing that it is changing my life.  It has put a spring in my step every single minute of every day since I first encountered her.  It makes me want to grow and be a better person.  And by serving her, visiting with her, listening to her, learning from her, I am able to find guidance, validation, and joy.

I come back to the concept of a professional Dominatrix.  I am sure they come in many flavours.  And I am sure that every one of those flavours is sought after.  But the flavour I love is the one that Mistress feeds me with, which is one that sets the bar of expectation high.  The things I feel for her, the deep and total respect I have for her, have opened my eyes so much.  I have no desire to possess, only a desire to serve.  I have no desire to bother, only a desire to be recognised.  Underpinning all of it, is a total and un-boundless joy that she exists, and a gratitude that she is teaching me and training me and guiding me.  And there isn’t a shred of me that doesn’t hope for her to find joy in every day, to find deep and rewarding friendships with the people in her life, for her to find fulfilment through love, family, friendships, work, and walk of her life.  To be allowed to serve her also means to believe and love and serve all the threads that sustain her.  And through this, that I may contribute to her is the essence of joy itself.

Mistress, you are such a gift.  I am forever at your feet.