The key to a long and happy marriage is separate bathrooms–and separate bedrooms

Separation acts as a small, but important, symbol of submission

When actor Gregory Peck was asked what he considered to be the most important ingredient to a successful marriage, he replied, “two things. separate bathrooms and separate bedrooms”.  Gregory Peck had a long and successful marriage, and if it is this simple, then we’re on the right track.

There is nothing life or love-enhancing about getting to know your spouse’s bathroom habits, or the little unappealing things you do to remain appealing to your spouse when you are in the privacy of that inner sanctum.

Some people might regard having separate bedrooms as being “roommates.”  I regard it as a luxury.  After all, we do need a good night’s sleep.  What if one of you likes to read in bed, but the other just uses the bed to sleep?  What if one of you is a light sleeper and the other could sleep through anything?  What if one of you talks in your sleep and the other wakes up when you do?  Cute?  Perhaps the first time.

Snoring?  Grinding of teeth?  Unmentionables?  I once shared a room with a colleague on a business trip and he described sharing a room with me was like sleeping with a wild animal.  Ahh, to be thought of as a wild animal, what bliss.  Just not in that way!

My SO and I have enjoyed separate bedrooms for over a decade, and we both sleep better and happier because of it.  And when you wake up rested and refreshed, it puts you in a better mind throughout the day, and in your relationship.

What about conjugal relations you might ask?  Well, we get into to bed to sleep you know.  And how square of you to think that the bedroom is the sex chamber.  Anywhere will do, and more than, anywhere is an obligation for a happy sensual and loving life.  This takes the mechanics out of it and makes hooking up a little bit like going on a date.  Oh the spice of it!

We’re renovating a house right now, and met recently with the architect, a talented woman in the twilight of her career.  She was shocked at first that having an open loft as the master bedroom wouldn’t work for us because we didn’t sleep in the same bed at night.  When the plans came back I was amused to see that a little room below the loft had been created, and had even been named for me.  “Mr. X’s” room it said on the plans.  It reminded me of a little boy’s room.  It is novel to me.  Who would dare?  Mostly, people regard me as a dominant figure.  To be tucked away like that, even as decision-maker, paymaster, was to be seen for who I am.  I loved it.  My wife did too.

We’re moving homes now.  After seeing my reaction to the house renovation, my SO suggested that I might wish to take the small room, the baby’s room, instead of the master bedroom as my future room in our new house.  I waited to answer that suggestion for the appropriate amount of time to not be seen to romanticise the formalisation of my status.

My SO may not allow me to express my submissive desires or nature, but she sure seems to feed off of them, at least when they are established on her own terms.  And for me?  Well gosh, I love it.  And if separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms can be harnessed to subtly communicate something deep and archetypal, then how lucky I am.

11 thoughts

  1. I know a few couples who feel the same as you! Daddy and I have separate bathrooms, which I LOVE, but I can’t imagine not sleeping with him. He does snore a bit, but I don’t mind. I sleep infinitely better when he is near me. But I will say…my Aunt and Uncle are currently remodeling, and they are building two master bedrooms. She is really looking forward to it. Great post! XOXO

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  2. I know what you mean, and I like to snuggle too, but my sleep schedule is so different and I have very intense and physical dreams, and she is a light sleeper and I hate To make her grumpy

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  3. I can see pros and cons for both. Although I do sometime kick or elbow hubby in my dreams. So…I am sure in those days, he’d wish I’m in a cage or something.

    And then on rare occasions I get to snuggle up with Dad with Hubby’s permission. Dad, with his terrible jokes, called me a bed bug. That term just stuck over time…so when I want to cuddle up with Dad, I’d ask if I could be his Bed Bug.

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  4. It just kind of evolved over time, and thankfully we have always had a big enough house to make it possible. It started after the birth of our second child, when our bedroom was large enough for two king beds and a very large sitting area…and at first it was each of us in separate beds but still in the same room, but when we moved, the idea just kind of stuck

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