I want to be so skinny I feel weak

Many people are motivated to get fit, to be fit.  Feeling the high, having the health benefits, feeling good about your body.  All these things.

At the gym and with a trainer I have a workout that is specifically designed for tone and flexibility, not muscle gain.  I like being skinny and toned.  On a man it is called scrawny.  On a woman, in our culture at least, it is called desirable.  I had to spell it out. It took a female trainer to understand that I didn’t want to look like a guy, but that I still wanted to work out.

For me, the process of getting fit is more important than being fit.  I love to wear women’s workout gear.  I run that way, hit the machines that way, and for me, it is a reminder of why I am doing it–to shape my body.  I have yet to bump into a woman wearing the same outfit as me, but I don’t doubt that many of them know what I am wearing.  I’ve never spotted a guy do a double-take, they are either oblivious or just really good at not looking at guys.

Women on the other hand check me out.  The younger they are, the more likely they are to show a positive reaction on their faces–it is only the more mature that ever register visible surprise.  But plenty of women just never look, because a man might look back, and that can lead to harassment. Thanks men! Not.

But what I really like, and what makes feeling the burn worth it all, is that sometimes a woman will look at me openly curious and either smile at me in a very warm way or look at me like as a wolf looks at dinner. That feels wonderful.

There are tons of women who don’t like girlie-boys.  Plenty of women want a big, strong man. the opposite of me.  

The politics of it suck.  My two closest female friends are both like this, they both like big, muscular, highly successful men.  I was never their type, and oddly that allowed our friendship to flourish. Their husbands have tolerated my active presence in their wives’ lives, and who knows what was said to make it so, though I am sure I am more GF to their wives than competition.  Apart from my S.O., these two are among a very small number who have met my id.  The presence of my id in their lives has made them my sisters.

But a woman who looks at me and is attracted to me for my difference is a woman I want to know.  You see, because even though I will never stray from my S.O., I do love to flirt.

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