Why I’m here and why I’m blogging

Sometimes there are things in life that are too personal to share with friends and family. Weird right? Yeah.

It’s okay though. Our nearest and dearest are not always the best way or best place to air our inner demons, to work out our feelings, to understand ourselves better. Sometimes our private thoughts can hurt or wound, mislead, disappoint…just in the telling. And sometimes, oftentimes, perfect strangers may have experienced or understand where you are coming from better than anyone close is, or even yourself.

My number one goal here is to understand…to understand myself and the context in which I live and seek to make a difference in the world.

The second goal stems from a fundamental dissatisfaction with the structure of a patriarchal society. I don’t like inequality of any kind, but here, on this blog, I will be primarily concerned with sexual inequality. This is not just between the sexes, female and male, but across the gender spectrum. A binary world suits the patriarchy, female submission suits the patriarchy, inequality suits the patriarchy, the status quo suits the patriarchy. My second goal is to challenge that system, to challenge the people and things that reinforce that system. Our evolution as a society is held back by this system, by the status quo.

This is deeply personal for me. I was born non-binary, a trans. But I made a choice as a teen, which was to accept the role that society had given me. It was the easy path. I made the choice, and I do not regret it, as my life has been filled with wonder and joy. But making that choice has also had a tremendous cost.

To present outwardly as a man, to carry all the trappings of male privilege, and to benefit from those in my professional and personal life is a strange feeling when you know that it is all founded on a lie. To be non-binary and to desire the end of the patriarchy is like living in an echo-chamber of potential self-hate. I don’t pretend for a second to have the answers. But I have learned to cope. I have learned to be positive, and to have healthy relationships, and I have learned to compromise with myself and the world around me.

I also fill my life with coping mechanisms. Every interaction with a woman that I have in daily life is an opportunity for healing. My life with my S.O. offers a chance to heal and live with equality in a way that sets a positive example to those around us about commitment, respect and love. And yes, with my children, helping them to make choices and to understand their impact as people in society.

Survive. Yes. That is step one. Thrive. Yes. That is step two. But make a difference? Hope so. And hope these musings here will engage you, and together we will find the path.