Is being sexual a subversive act?

Disclaimer: ChatGPT was used in the tagging of reference material and assisting  with the compilation of footnotes.  Any errors in creative expression are surely mine.

When society dictates, represses, or condemns our sexuality, especially the sexuality of marginalized groups—women, queer individuals, and those whose desires diverge from traditional norms—the very act of claiming sexual agency becomes subversive. By consciously embracing our erotic selves, we resist societal constraints, asserting our right to authenticity and liberation.

• Historical suppression of sexuality:
  • Michel Foucault’s History of Sexuality¹ explores how sexuality has historically been a critical mechanism for social control, arguing that modern power structures repress and manipulate sexual discourse to maintain dominance. Foucault emphasizes that the control of sexuality is a way societies regulate individual behaviour, preserving existing hierarchies and power dynamics. His work demonstrates how challenging sexual norms becomes a direct confrontation with these oppressive social frameworks.
  • Audre Lorde, in Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,² powerfully asserts that the erotic is a deep resource of empowerment, particularly for marginalized voices oppressed by patriarchal and racial hierarchies. Lorde describes the erotic as an internal source of strength that, when embraced, disrupts societal attempts to suppress and control marginalized groups. Her writing positions eroticism as inherently revolutionary, transforming internal empowerment into outward social resistance.
• Modern narratives of sexual empowerment:
  • Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity³ illustrates how exploring sexuality beyond traditional norms can free individuals from both societal expectations and internalized constraints. Perel emphasizes that sexual desire thrives when it challenges boundaries and conventions, becoming an act of personal liberation. This liberation is not only transformative individually but also disrupts the status quo, thereby becoming an inherently subversive act.

Being kinky, especially within D/s dynamics, reveals clear parallels between kink-shaming, sexism, racism, and other forms of social discrimination. Each form of discrimination roots itself in fear of difference and deviation from accepted norms. Being openly kinky, particularly submissive, often attracts misunderstanding and prejudice because it confronts rigid expectations around power and autonomy.

• Discrimination and kink:
  • Gayle Rubin’s essay Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality⁴ thoroughly analyses how societal norms marginalize and stigmatize sexual practices considered deviant or non-normative. Rubin identifies societal anxieties surrounding sexuality as inherently political, arguing that what is sexually permissible or impermissible is deeply influenced by prevailing social values and power relations. Rubin’s exploration directly supports the concept that openly engaging in kink challenges the fundamental cultural power structures.
  • Online communities frequently discuss kink-shaming, reinforcing real-world consequences of discrimination, as extensively documented on forums like FetLife and Reddit.⁵ These communities illustrate how shaming practices systematically enforce conformity, marginalizing those who openly express alternative forms of sexuality. The collective experiences documented in these forums highlight kink as a contested arena of social and political struggle.

Through my lived experience, I’ve recognized a clear intersectionality in discrimination.  Intersectionality refers to the way various forms of discrimination—based on gender, sexuality, race, class, or other identity markers—interact and overlap, compounding the experience of marginalization.  For example, a transgender woman of colour may face unique challenges that are not just about her gender identity or her race independently, but about the intersection of both.  Put simply, the more intersections present, the more aggressively society (read Patriarchy) attempts to crush them.

Dressing and behaving outside traditional norms can provoke hostility—not necessarily because of overt sexuality, but due to perceived threats to established power structures, but so can our skin colour, our gender, our beliefs.  Any idealist belief about the principles of non-discrimination should have been dispelled by the onslaught of bigotry striding the halls of power in the US and UK.

• Intersectional parallels:
  • Kimberlé Crenshaw’s foundational work on intersectionality⁶ elucidates how overlapping identities amplify discrimination, highlighting the unique vulnerabilities faced by individuals at intersecting points of marginalization. Crenshaw argues that understanding discrimination requires recognizing the interconnectedness of race, gender, sexuality, and other identities. This framework provides insight into how sexual nonconformity intersects with other marginalized identities, reinforcing their collective subversive potential.
  • Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between the World and Me⁷ offers profound insights into how systemic fear and oppression manifest through violence and societal division. Coates illustrates that fear is deliberately perpetuated to maintain power hierarchies, suggesting parallels between racial and sexual marginalization. His analysis reveals how resisting fear and embracing authentic identity disrupts these oppressive structures.

To make sense of this, consider how power responds when challenged—not with openness, but with retrenchment and projection. The more identities that deviate from dominant norms—such as being queer, trans, non-white, or disabled—the greater the risk of targeted harm.  The “misfits”.  Yet at the same time, these intersecting experiences can cultivate a deeper political consciousness, unified in oppression, which builds solidarity across difference, forging community, and sharpening a collective ability to recognize and resist structural injustice.

Perhaps counter-intuitively, hostility or aggression often comes from those who see their status threatened by nonconformity, rather than from the “others” who are being marginalized.  Here’s why:

1. Cultural conditioning and media narratives have often portrayed marginalized groups as “dangerous” or “intolerant” to justify their continued exclusion or surveillance. These portrayals skew our expectations.
2. Privilege often hides itself—so when someone from a dominant group feels threatened by nonconformity, their reaction may appear unjustifiably harsh or disproportionate. It reveals how much fragility is embedded in privilege.
3. Marginalized groups often build empathy through experience, having themselves endured systemic exclusion. This shared experience often fosters compassion, not condemnation, which contrasts with the defensive aggression sometimes seen from dominant groups when their norms are disrupted.

A Masterclass in Gaslighting

In psychological and rhetorical contexts, projection is when someone attributes their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or behaviours to another person.  In political and cultural discourse, this can take the form of accusation-as-defense: accusing others of the very wrongs one is committing, in order to deflect blame, distract attention, or justify pre-emptive action.

For example:

• When people accuse LGBTQ+ individuals of “grooming” while ignoring or excusing systemic abuses within religious, familial, or institutional contexts, that is projection in service of maintaining power.
• It’s also a propaganda technique, often used to moralize dominance: by casting the marginalized as dangerous or deviant, the dominant can frame themselves as victims or protectors.

In distinguishing between subversion and transgression, authors of “On Eros, Subversive or Transgressive”⁸ note that while transgression violates boundaries often unconsciously, subversion intentionally challenges and transforms cultural norms for a higher purpose. True erotic experiences dissolve the conventional dichotomy between giving and receiving, aligning with Tantric philosophies that celebrate sexuality as a sacred pathway to unity, spiritual growth, and profound connection.

• Eros and Tantric Spirituality:
  • Georg Feuerstein’s Tantra: The Path of Ecstasy⁹ vividly describes Tantra as seeing sexuality not merely as physical pleasure but as a divine conduit bridging physical and spiritual realms. Feuerstein explains that in Tantra, sexual union symbolizes the cosmic unity of divine masculine and feminine energies, thus transcending ordinary experience and becoming a transformative spiritual practice. This view emphasizes eroticism’s potential as an active, subversive engagement with the divine.
  • Margot Anand’s The Art of Sexual Ecstasy¹⁰ offers practical insights into Tantric methods of integrating sexuality with spiritual awakening. Anand advocates for a mindful, holistic approach to sexuality, transforming intimate relationships into profound spiritual journeys. Her work underscores the inherently divine nature of sexual unity, reinforcing sexuality as both spiritually enriching and socially subversive.

When I reflect on this powerful argument, I ask myself: is this why transgender people, and gays before them, are accused of being perverts, mentally ill, or worse, groomers and pedophiles?

The answer lies in the inherent threat that authentic sexual and gender expression poses to entrenched societal power structures. Labelling marginalized sexual identities as deviant or pathological is a tactic used historically to reinforce conformity and control, maintaining rigid hierarchies. To counter these accusations, marginalized communities and their allies must courageously embrace visibility, educate with compassion, and advocate assertively challenging ignorance with truth, solidarity, and relentless visibility despite the inherent risks. The willingness to exist openly and unapologetically, even when one’s existence is unjustly attacked, is itself a revolutionary act of resistance and subversion.

“The willingness to exist openly and unapologetically is itself a revolutionary act of resistance and subversion.”

Marginalized groups and their allies can respond effectively to accusations of deviance or mental illness through resilient visibility, informed advocacy, and empathetic education. Building supportive communities creates safety and solidarity, while openly sharing lived experiences challenges harmful stereotypes and misconceptions. Allies must actively listen, amplify marginalized voices, and continuously confront oppressive rhetoric, even when such actions risk personal vulnerability.

And if you don’t want to live in a society that entrenches oppression, you cannot be silent.  Freedom only comes to those who deserve it, who use their voices to preserve it.  Silence is complicity, and if you don’t think they’ll come for you next, why don’t you spend a few hours contemplating everything and anything that makes you different from everyone else. Do you like those things?  Do you love what makes you who you are?  Would you “live free or die?” as the motto of my birth state, or would you rather be pablum, food for the machine?

Footnotes:

• ¹ Michel Foucault, The History of Sexuality, Vol. 1: An Introduction(New York: Vintage Books, 1990).
• ² Audre Lorde, “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,” in Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches(Berkeley: Crossing Press, 1984).
• ³ Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence(New York: Harper, 2007).
• ⁴ Gayle Rubin, “Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality,” in Pleasure and Danger: Exploring Female Sexuality(London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1984).
• ⁵ FetLife Forums, fetlife.com; Reddit Kink Communities, www.reddit.com.
• ⁶ Kimberlé Crenshaw, “Mapping the Margins,” Stanford Law Review43, no. 6 (1991).
• ⁷ Ta-Nehisi Coates, Between the World and Me(New York: Spiegel & Grau, 2015).
• ⁸ Medium, “On Eros, Subversive or Transgressive,” medium.com.
• ⁹ Georg Feuerstein, Tantra: The Path of Ecstasy(Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1998).
• ¹⁰ Margot Anand, The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality(New York: TarcherPerigee, 1989).