But soft, she squirts!  T-Girls and the reality of the squirt

The facilitators of the Tantric Retreat I was on pulled me aside with concern etched on their faces.  “Do you want to sit this one out?”

“No, I want to try.  I don’t know if it will work, but I’d like to give it a go.”

“We don’t know either you’re the first.”

Good thing I didn’t look at the internet or I would have read that trans woman can’t squirt.  But the reality is different.  Discovering my body was part of what drove me to be on a week long Tantric sex retreat…I know, I know, isn’t Tantra about eye-gazing and edging?  Pretty much.

Only as with all good things in the world, there isn’t just one flavour.  White Tantra, as I understand it, is more philosophical and meditative.  Dark Tantra, what I did, is more explicitly erotic and sexual.  The end goal might be the same: to step beyond the ego, to serve and exist without quid-pro-quo, and to achieve a profound contentment of being, in the body, in life.

The approach of the Dark Tantra teachers I learned from was this: sex and the erotic are incredibly powerful forces.  They are also distractions.  Learning to master desire, to control the erotic energy that flows in all of us, is the first and most important step in moving towards a more enlightened state.  They do not espouse placing it last in the queue or ignoring it altogether.

We did a ton of exercises that explored our bodies, our psyches, and our sexual selves.  And the promise of developing “skills” at sex is what likely lured many of my fellow participants…or just getting the chance to have as much sex with as many people as possible in a short period of time.  I can only say that after a while, such an approach would be exhausting.  Was exhausting.

In a way.  In another way, I was beyond energised.

There is a clock ticking for me.  One that was set by my surgeon.  That most trans women are able to have an orgasm within a year after surgery.  Parts of my vulva are still waking up and are either slightly painful or slightly insensate.  Perhaps the main reason I chose the surgeon I did is that they have the best stats for making the plumbing work, the mechanics of the trans female vulva and vagina, in the world.  Not wanting to let the team down I have been masturbating ferociously.

The nurse on the surgical team who does most of my check-ups has coached me towards using my lengthy dilation sessions to become self-pleasure sessions.  When I do, I find myself edging.  It feels a bit like what I would imagine long-term chastity feels like.  I become very aroused, energized, and feel as if I am teetering on the edge, but not quite getting there.

Of course, this is exactly what they teach in Tantric Sex…founded on the belief that a clitoral or penile orgasm, a “spasm orgasm” is not good for you in that it is an energetic release.  Instead, the goal of tantra is to get as close to the edge as possible, and stay there for as long as possible, without ever going over.  This is my life.

Well, my thought in going into a session on squirting was ‘why not’?  In theory all the bits in a trans vagina are more or less the same.  The urethra and the spongy layer around it, which forms the G-spot is identical, only in a male body it is not accessible, but post op, with the right surgeon, it is.  My unscientific belief is that stimulation of the g-spot triggers a feeling of “loss of control” which is how it has been described to me by cis women.

This feeling, without the pain part, is also what women describe in childbirth, and I wonder if the pressure of the baby’s passage through the vaginal canal triggers this intense feeling…and it would make biological sense that it did.  That there is pleasure in stimulation of the G-spot accompanied by this intense and overpowering sense of muscular relaxation whether you like it or not, also makes sense.  Pleasure mixed with pain makes the pain more tolerable.

What did I feel when the man whose fingers were inside of me was frigging my G-Spot in a particular way so as to induce squirting?  Total loss of control.  At first, I was worried that I would piss myself, and then shit myself, and then it was painful and good in equal measure, and guttural screams, throaty and wild pumped out of me beyond my control.  I was husky-voiced and animal and growling in a room of howling women, who cried and screamed along with me as we had a collective squirt.

And yes, I did squirt.  The evidence was on the puppy pad beneath me, and on the man’s gloved hands.  There is a milky quality to squirt liquid.  When I learned that it has an acidity which is beneficial to the vaginal pH, I had to investigate further.

This is intriguing to me as the pH of urine ranges from 4-8, which is hardly consistently acidic. so there is a health benefit to a lower pH. Given that the number one source of bacterial infections in women is from PIV (penis in vagina) sex, then this makes sense.

“I can’t believe I squirted,” I gushed.

“You definitely squirted,” he said.  I was filled with all kinds of strange and tender emotions.  I held him, and caressed him, and kissed his shoulder.  I had never ever been consensually touched by a man before, and for it to be so intimate.  I surrendered to the complexity.

“I am a trained tantric therapist.”

“It’s good that I chose you,” for I had, and he could revel in the comfort of having been picked first out of a sea of men, when I was the first woman to choose, and without hesitation, called out his name.

“Oh my God, we didn’t even know you could do it,” one of the facilitators said to me.

“Me neither, but theoretically it was possible, and now we know it is possible.”

Armed with the reality of what happened I look into this further, and I am glad I did it after I had squirted, not before, as the “can’t do it” literature outweighs the sex-positive stuff.  Here is the anatomy.

Squirt liquid comes out of Skenes Glands.  These glands manifest in the vagina as ducts on either side of the urethra, at the top of the vagina.  The skenes glands produce the squirt fluid.  They are also the anatomical pre-cursor to the male prostate.  The composition of fluid which emanates from these two glands is morphologically identical.

Squirt liquid is acidic, which is good for vaginal health, because it contains urea and uric acid.  It also contains prostate-specific antigen…which is why they sometimes call it the female ejaculation…and indeed, in a male orgasm, it is a part of the ejaculate.  PSA has a neutral pH on its own.

The Skene Glands

Skene’s glands produce a milk-like ultrafiltrate of blood plasma. The glands may be the source of female ejaculation,^[3][4][5] but this has not been proven.^[4] Because they and the male prostate act similarly by secreting prostate-specific antigen (PSA), which is an ejaculate protein produced in males, and prostatic acid phosphatase, some authors refer to the Skene’s glands as the “female prostate”.^[3][5][6] They are homologous to the male prostate (developed from the same embryological tissues),^[7] but the homology is still a matter of research.^[8] Female ejaculate may result from sexual activity for some women, especially during orgasm.^[3][4] In addition to PSA and acid phosphatase, Skene’s gland fluid contains high concentrations of glucose and fructose.^[3]

Read all about Skene Glands on Wikipedia.

The Bartholin Glands

They are homologous to bulbourethral glands in males. However, while Bartholin’s glands are located in the superficial perineal pouch in females, bulbourethral glands are located in the deep perineal pouch in males. Their duct length is 1.5 to 2.0 cm and they open into navicular fossa.^[2] The ducts are paired and they open on the surface of the vulva.^[3]

Read all about Bartholin Glands on Wikipedia

In other words, squirting has a lot in common with a prostate orgasm.  G-spot stimulation is more than just metaphorically similar to a prostate massage, the end result can be near identical.  Of course I have had both, and a prostate orgasm has not come for me with the same sense of surrender that this G-Spot stimulating squirt exercise did.

Although we associate the prostate with anal stimulation, in a trans-woman, accessing the prostate is actually easier via the vaginal canal.  So when this man’s fingers were inside of me, he was consciously stimulating my G-Spot, but the pressure and frigging motion were rubbing my prostate from the vaginal side, which feels very different than doing the same thing from the anal opening.

In a trans woman, therefore, to get her to squirt, you might need to do both—stimulate the prostate, the t-girl’s skenes glands, and stimulate her G-spot.

And in the meantime, I have learned a valuable life skill…how to make a woman squirt.