Becoming a Sex Worker has helped me to define myself as a woman

Sex Work is a profoundly holy and political act which is both feminist and Divine

One of my gorgeous children had the wisdom to tell me that the reason I chose to become a Sex Worker in the first place had nothing to do with money.

“You did it for you,” they said.  From the mouths of babes…

Apart from being proud of my (now adult) child of the wisdom of their words, I was also pleased that they were willing to challenge me, and also that they got it right.

What being a Sex Worker is and means is shifting, but essentially means that you make money by playing to sexual desire.  Technically I have been a Sex Worker for over two decades.  For the loose definition.

My erotica is found on every platform I can think of and provides me a somewhat variable but largely predictable and steady source of secondary income.  The holiday season is usually good for business, as people have time on their hands to think of dirty things.   I will soon be adding a paywall section of this site where some of my erotica will be available.

How did I come to write erotica?  I discovered just after graduating from college, that it was better than masturbating in a conventional way.  I have written about how I didn’t like to touch myself, to touch my penis.  At the time, it wasn’t a conscious connection:

Penis = Man ≠ TransWoman

Incidentally, now that I have a vulva I can’t get enough of self-touch.  Or better, the touch of others.

You might well wonder how I masturbated if I didn’t use my hands.  My answer would include ever more creative innovations, including wind.  But mainly, it consisted of sitting on a butt plug and moving ever-so-slightly until I was edging, and then I would write in this fugue for hours on end, sometimes days, only releasing once I knew the writing was done.

As an aside, there was prep involved, like fasting so that I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom, I was anal (LOL) about cleanliness, so any such marathon sessions were preceeded by a colonic.

But none of this is the point.  So what is?

Sex and sex appeal are about power.  Plain and simple.  This is a currency that men feel generally entitled to.  Female sex appeal is something that most men are irresistibly drawn to.  The Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) all abhor anything which interferes with the power of men, as they are systems of oppression created for and by men to institutionalise the dominance of men over women (or we could also say of “marginals” such as straight over gay).  Being gay, being trans, or being a woman who owns her body and uses her sexuality is a direct threat to this system.

In many early societies, the role of women, sex, and sexuality allowed for, even encouraged the acceptance of the holy into the sexual.  In many Mediterranean societies and throughout Asia (eg. think of the Geisha in Japan or the acceptance of the Ladyboy in Thailand), this was the view.  Goddesses such as Inanna and Ishtar came with Priestesses who were also prostitutes.  Even the word whore is derived from their ancient practices.

As I find what kind of Sex Worker I am now, and what my brand is, and what I am willing to do or want to do with clients, I am drawn by the narrative of becoming a Sex Witch.  This is not surprising.

While I am a dominatrix by profession, this comes in many flavours.  My flavour is that I am not a sadist, I am not cruel.  I dominate to heal someone, to hold them, to give them comfort, in their bodies, in their spirits.  I coo to them as I whip them, alternating blows with caresses.  And I hold them.  I am gentle, punctuated with the snap.  Many of my clients and play partners call me Mommy.  Some of them call me Daddy.  Unlike many dommes, I don’t care so much about the honorific they choose so long as it is felt by them…that the expression of their submission finds itself in relation to those words.

But I am not just a dominatrix.  Within the realm of sex work, I am considering that I am open to being an escort.  In some ways, my relation to two women is dangerously close to the line already without any “money” changing hands.  To be sure, these are genuinely felt relationships and have evolved from friendship.  But they are both women who are substantially better off than I am and who enjoy doing things for me, taking care of me.  And I see in them a thirst for affection and affirmation which I give freely and abundantly.

I have wondered whether I would “do it” with a man, and the answer is that I am almost certain I would.  I might be selective, but the combination of respect, worship, submission and desire is a head-spinningly erotic cocktail that sees me in my mind with my legs open and wrapping themselves around a man as I take him inside of me.  I can’t think of anything more affirming.

Affirming.  That is the word that this post is most about.  As a trans woman, I seek to experience as much of life as possible as a woman.  The haters love to say that I don’t have periods, but they also get it wrong when they talk about rape, assault, and other issues women face, such as being afraid to walk home, of being seen as sexually provocative.  Trans women get that even more, as we are more likely than cis women to experience violence at the hands of men.  And on a social level, you can barely watch TV or read the papers today to not know that society is ashamed of us.   Another version of using female shame to make virtue into a form of auto-policing.

But this trans woman living in a glass house wants to throw rocks.

So, I have become a sex worker.  I am face out and am very open about it to people I meet, including family and friends.  Part of this ensures I burn the bridges to my past.  No going back also means only going forward.

I am also much more than a Sex Worker.  As a former leader in my profession, a former listed company CEO, I have much to offer as a career advisor and coach.  I am also a healer, with a background in nutrition, herbal medicine, and somatic therapy.  With an active practice in these areas “on the side”, it is only natural that all these threads should come together.

And they do.  The convergence point is bound up in those words: Sex Witch.

My offering is simply this: to help my clients experience bliss through the erotic in a way that sees them as they are, that releases shame, and is infused with the merciful and loving energy of a Mommy.  I channel the Divine Feminine, and as this has become increasingly conscious for me, I have gotten better at it.

Does it all make sense?  Being a Sex Worker is in tune with my values.  It speaks of female empowerment.  It releases shame.  It is courageous in the face of patriarchal resistance, which is something I wish we all fought against, but if I can’t, how can I even hold an opinion.

Society isn’t kind to people like me.  But I am ready to not take society lying down, but to meet the system crop in hand, boots shined, and body toned, waiting for those clients who will break ranks and settle into their place in my arms, at my feet, on my table.

Becoming a woman, finding the feminine within, is the essence of my life’s purpose. Channeling the Divine Feminine, being a vessel for its expression within me is both a way to outwardly manifest my inner landscape, but is also a process of becoming. The Sex Worker, in her ministrations, is practicing and wielding her female power with a fluency that few others have. It is a learned skill, but it is also a form of self-expression, one that draws on the physical, erotic, and spiritual. Stepping into this is to allow and encourage the Divine to flow through me.