Even my enemies support my Dharma

I think that I have had more communication with my soon-to-be-ex wife in the last 24 hours than over the past two years.  I can only hope that she wishes to avoid a trial.  But she is proposing to me things I have asked for…such a different stance than before.

There is this sense of everything falling into place.  Not with a click or anything so fixed, but rather a fluid fitting.  People, threads, experiences, learning.

I have many teachers.  In all aspects of my life.  If the billboard above them all reads “who you are as a woman” it would encapsulate all the threads: dominatrix, mommy, mother, father, vestigial masculine (preserving those aspects which are divine), and leaning heavily into the Divine Feminine.

I am thinking now of one of the teachers who does not represent a single thread, for I have those, but the one I have found who is drawing together multiple threads.  I have begun a formal mentorship with her, which should last a year.  My year of living free.

She is and has been many things in life.  She is teaching me about finding my essence, pulling on the threads of rope bondage, meditation, yoga, tantric touch, tantric philosophy and living, and also domination.  In one of those examples of serendipity, I had been following her for two years, never approaching, just looking at what she was up to from time to time, admiring her work.  But then, when I did approach and ask if she would take me on as a student, she organized for us to speak the very next day.

We live on opposite ends of the earth almost, and our paths also never overlap, and yet, here, they were.  By sheer chance, we would be in the same city at the same time, just a few weeks later.  We planned to begin in person over a weekend which would see us together for the first time.

It was an amazing experience on many levels.  We explored my submission, which felt a bit weird in the sense that she is not to be my domme, but we had a session anyway.  And that did require me to go through a process.  Sharing about my inner world, what made me tick, all to help her curate the ideal session.  I was very open, and curious, because I had wanted to see her for some time…but even over the two years that I followed her, it was never to see her in the traditional sense.  It was that I wanted to learn from her.

I enjoyed our session, but not quite like if I was submitting for “real” which is how I usually do it. It was as performative on my part as it was on her part.  She was good, and it was fun.  But what is real?

We worked together more specifically on her core area of expertise, the intersection of female power, female sexuality, and kink, and had a wonderfully challenging few days together.  She pushed me, and I have the marks to prove it.  Who would have thought that?

She put me in a sub-space of sorts and kept me there for a few days, but it was more like a working session, as if I was detached from my own feelings.  Our dynamic was more colleague than kink partner or pro/client.

Through her I have been invited to a series of events which line up with everything in my calendar, and I have understood more profoundly what I wish for my shibari practice and my domme practice.  From that perspective, it was and is wonderful.

She is a great teacher for me.

Separately, I am working with another dominatrix in a group setting, and as much as I like her, and the sessions are useful, I am not sure how much value they add.  The organization is a bit chaotic, and I guess I just need to do more than anything else.

What I look forward to most is booking and sessioning…the focus on the commercial.  After all, something has to fund this ongoing lust for learning.

And in a weird turn of events one of the Tantric practitioners and teachers I have been speaking to has invited me on a retreat with a group of Muslim women.  There will be a small number of us who are non-Muslim.  I admire these women tremendously, the inequality and chauvinism they have to put up with them.  I find them fierce.  I felt deeply honoured that a band of fierce warrior women would take this trans girl in and welcome her as their own sister.  I can’t wait.

2025 is already booked out through Q1 with trips, courses, and I am enjoying turning this into a lifestyle.  How many transformations can one life have?

But there are other things too. There was a domme I approached who I was very taken by. She was trans-friendly in her pricing, and she resonated with me on a profound level. I screened with her, provided references, which she said were “glowing” and we set to book. I gave her a week where I would be in her city, and many, many days later she proposed dates in a different month. Some months later I wrote again and said that I would fly internationally to. see her and could come on any day in a two month period. I heard nothing. I then met someone she knew, played with this other person, and this other person told me how great she was, and suggested I reach out again. I did. Nothing. Ghosted a second time.

She did eventually write back to say she had been busy and that she was not taking new clients. I am just sorry that I wasted the time of the people who provided references…and no wonder sometimes clients get anxious. The process from first contact to ‘no’ took over 6 months. A little more professionalism please!

In the end, I think the only reason she did reply was that she knows I am a provider too…and that we now have mutual acquaintances. That might have been a better excuse. Kids these days.

But it also highlights just how lucky I am to have connected with the people I have connected to, and just what delectable people they are. Do I dare introduce my two “regulars”? We shall soon enough find out.

But the truth is, I had no business seeing her. She was exactly what I don’t need: everything I think I want in a domme. She would have been too much for me. And I keep doing this. But thankfully, when I don’t have the sense, the universe does.