A meta post on blogging and rambling thoughts on being a horny trans woman and filled with desire

What do you want more or less of?

I recently passed 2,000 readers of this blog. People who have signed up to receive updates. One of my “uncles” said, ‘it ain’t the New York Times, stick to the day job,” but I’m proud of it. I know that if I were an actual sex worker, I’d need to do a lot better than this…but a blog isn’t quite the same as a Twitter feed, and the commitment to reading thousands of words in a post is never going to compete with the doom-scrolling of social media. And I am having fun.

But any milestone begets other ones, so I would like to aim for 20,000 readers/subscribers. Silly ambition? Is there a realistic time frame? A year? Why not? I am reaching a point in my personal and professional life where I teeter on the edge of a total transformation, and I will pass from one portal of life to another. I need to focus on my body as it changes from male to female, and the very gruelling surgical interventions which lie ahead. I also need to concentrate on my spiritual self, and yes, also my sexual and loving self.

Can a nun still be sexual? I am not asking that as a silly question either. I want to know. I want to be a nun in the sense that I become devoted to the spirit world, and of excising the unholy from me. But I also believe that sex and sexuality is the most powerful tool we have to speak with God, and that most religions have this wrong. The earthly high priestesses of the spirit world are sex workers, some more than others, some downright misguided, but this is true. I am almost certain that I will become one of them too, but in a therapeutic and religious sense. I can’t wait to show you the sexy hot nun outfits that will come with this transformation…

Sister Joanne Malone protested against Dow Chemical in 1959 and became font page news, not for the content of her protest as much as her being a nun in a mini-skirt. She later retired, but she and 6 of her fellow protesters, known as the “DC-9” are still alive and still speaking up for the downtrodden.

This blog is all over the place.  Just like me. It is a reflection of the diversity of my interests.  I am planning on making some changes to its format and structure, and likely also the content, and would love to hear from anyone about what they would wish to see more or less of.

The central theme

Must be about wellness in a general sense.  Enjoying life.  Wellness for me speaks about the self as a whole and well-being: mental health, spiritual health, body health, sexual health, and beauty insofar as this is a reflection of body health.  That has been the intention from the outset, and while I am tempted to really double down on that, the posts which seem to garner the greatest engagement are perhaps one step removed…

What’s popular now?

Surprise, surprise, the painfully confessional stuff draws the greatest levels of engagement.  The sexy stuff draws in the highest number of likes.  And the politically charged stuff seems to draw a mix of both, particularly gender politics.  I will definitely continue all of those.

Sadly for me, the recipes score the absolute worst in terms of engagement and likes.  But you know what?  That’s my favourite part.  It is the closest to the core of my real life.  With those, there is a true connection to my life.  I spend so much time in the kitchen, just cooking, but also creating.  When I think of how I express myself most in life, it is through food.  Admittedly, some of the recipes are half-baked…after all, my editor has not touched them, and they are usually at “right first time” stage, which means that without me feeling my way along and correcting stuff that I assume is known, it doesn’t come out right.  Oops.

Thankfully, my kids are taking my recipes and cooking from them, and they give me plenty of heat when it doesn’t come out for them as it does when I do it.  So my dears, no matter what, you will be subjected to ongoing and occasional missives from this Domestic Goddess.

What lies ahead?

No matter how good I might be at my chosen profession, I don’t see myself succeeding by continuing along that path.  My children want the “easy wealth” that might flow from it, but the discrimination of the vanilla corporate world is real, and I don’t know that I have it in me to fight it, or even the energy to do what is necessary just to get back into it.

My upcoming year is going to be one of many painful and life-changing surgical interventions, and I want to concentrate on my body, the healing of it, and stepping into becoming the trans woman that I have waited to be my entire life.  To say that nothing else matters is not far from the truth.

Do you know what else I believe is going to happen?  I am going to become a dominatrix.  There is something about me that has always been drawn to loving what it is I want to be…a pretty woman was attractive to me in part because I want to be her.  My love of the dominatrix in general is a kind of admiration that is aspirational. 

I am blessed with a growing posse of people who have taken me under their wings to varying degrees, in one way or another.  And while I will never stop being a client for at least one of them, at least not by choice, and will continue to play on occasion with others, I feel this desire growing stronger by the day.  I feel compelled to dominate men.  And why not.  As a former submissive man, although what was inside me was different, it is also familiar terrain.  

I will surely be posting about that.  The irony really resonates with me, because the more I want to spank a man or tie him up, the more deeply submissive I become to the One, and also to myself.  I feel a kind of arousal in me at the thought of it that is not at all genital like it used to be, but is unmistakably sexual, equally if not more intense than it was as a boy…but I feel all through my body as this hunger to devour and be devoured.  More and more, I feel like a wild animal.  And I am definitely becoming more overtly sexual.

What is that?  Why is that?

Last words

I love blogging.  I do it for me, because of how therapeutic it is.  When a reader finds something in the writing that speaks to them, I am doubly happy.  And yes, it is fun to write what people want to read.  But this could be also a form of kinky tease and denial for the reader…just as with cooking a meal, asking ‘what would you like for dinner?’ and then preparing something completely different, well, who’s to say that that won’t happen here?  I think we can have some fun with this.

Last Last Words

I’ve been thinking of starting a podcast. That way you will all be able to hear my deep, sexy American-accented voice. These will be mainly interviews, and at least in the first instance, will cover the topic of human sexuality as seen through the eyes of providers. How many of you listen to podcasts? And would that be interesting?

I do think that I will need to balance sex and sexuality with more mainstream topics such as health and wellness, so that anyone can be comfortable listening to the material…in other words, content that is safe for work. Would love any thoughts on this.