The word “Goddess” is used here with no self-importance, simply as shorthand for being one’s best self. One mustn’t let the mask devour the face. This is a lesson that my Queen has taught me, and one which she so profoundly embodies. It is a lesson that many people lose in society at large, as if society itself is geared up to strip away our self-effacement. Uncanny.
The ego has a way of telling us that the kow-towing and importance, the deference people show us is because of who we are. Yes sir. Yes, Mr. President. It is easy to succumb to the flattery. It takes incredible strength to know all the way to your heart strings and soul, that we are all nobodies, that the flattery is for the chair we sat in, the position we held or hold. Let them kiss the chair’s ass, not mine.
No revolutionary here, respect has its place in the smooth functioning of even a healthy hierarchy. Respect for the position is important, as everyone has a position. The positions we occupy, whether temporary or long-term, are all inter-related. But let us not confuse what we are obeying, what we are respecting.
Imagine this line of thinking in the world of BDSM. The professional dominatrix, my pinnacle of female beauty, is just ripe for the exploration. Some take the title of “Goddess”, all take some title of respect or another. It is beautiful and forms part of the ritual. But what if what we are being obeisant not to the position, to the title, but to the person herself. That she has taken this definition to heart. That her title is simply a way of saying, “work in progress, best self under construction,” and that our job, as dutiful slaves and submissives, is to encourage and support that journey, no matter the cost, no matter the challenges.
I understand. Some people say it is the submissive who is in charge, never the dominant. Perhaps that is true in some dynamics, it must be for it to have become a “universal”. It is not true in my interactions. Same goes for ‘submission is a gift’. No, it isn’t. It is an enormous responsibility–a burden. The acts of giving which accompany it may become gifts, in whatever form they take, but submission itself is no gift. Domination is also not a gift. They are both privileges.
What is a gift is that a domme can open a seam in the universe, can open a space that is a safe container, and that space can be filled to abundance with submissive energy. When this works in harmony, when it works well, the dominant is fed and nourished just as much as her charge. Can you imagine anything more fulfilling for a submissive to think that the act of submission, the energy of submission, their self-less giving of themselves is nourishing that essence of her which helps her to fully embody the Goddess, fully embody her best self?
To me, this is the rarest thing on earth. So rare as to be holy. So rare that you cannot ask for it, expect it, even dream of it, lest some cruel play plucks it from your grasp. But you can be ready for it. You can learn to have clean energy. To give without expectation of return. There are risks in this, particularly for the submissive.
I have erected so many guard rails around me to help along the way. No humiliation. I am not ashamed to be me, to have my desires, to want the things I want. I am not ashamed of being a slave. I am proud of it. You should be too, and help me embody that, for me and for you. The danger inherent in humiliation is that you don’t have that essential self-regulating guard rail—if it doesn’t feel good, then it probably isn’t good. Confusing in a context where humiliation is arousing…and this is confusing for both sides of the slash (D/s). In my own life, to avoid this confusion, to avoid losing myself completely, I had to make a blanket ban on this. Anything humiliating should set off alarm bells. For me.
Many dommes really enjoy humiliation. Meting it out. Makes sense, and one can easily see how it might help them to become their best selves, as it has the effect of erasing some of the negative energy of living in a patriarchal society.
I give the example only because we all need to find each other. To find the “right person”. Pro-client BDSM is a relationship like any other. But the rarest of the rare, this mutual D/s that helps both parties become their best selves to each other, for each other, is worth the work. Every moment of it. And it is worth placing yourself in the crosshairs of possibility even if it hurts when we get it wrong.
It is love. It is just love by another name.
Well, I too shall become a Goddess. Who said a slave cannot become a Goddess. One Goddess in submission to another, that’s just hot. It also spells out really clearly what’s going on. To become my fully alchemised self through service to your fully alchemised self…Being and becoming. Two souls growing in ways that do not tie each other down, but simply nourish and encourage.
Mind, Body, Spirit
Sex, gender, and sexuality is the thread which binds all three of these. It is our metaphorical spinal cord, connecting us to everything we have ever done, felt, to all the people who have come into our lives, to everything we have ever wanted, desired, been denied, or received, to our present, future, and past. We are spit roasted by it, and a healthy observance of mind, body, and spirit are what keep the flames from consuming us altogether.
I write all the time about the mind, frequent mistaken seat of arousal. I also write about the Spirit, about God, and about how sexuality is a language that describes ourselves but also unites us with the divine. I write about the body too, about the importance of exercise, about discipline and structure, about stretching, and a bit about food and drink. Every one of these is important.
What’s all the fuss about? I appear to have given up coffee. This is big for someone who loves coffee as much as I do. For someone who drinks as much of it as I have for so long. Between 2 litres and a gallon every day. Every damn day.
I remember sitting in a meeting and drinking this iced coffee that was in a tall plastic container. When I had finished it, I shook the quart-sized bottle and asked my colleague, “do we have any more of this stuff?” She looked at me and said, “what, you just drank that whole thing? No way. That’s concentrate, you’re supposed to dilute it.”
“Not too much I hope.”
“Are you kidding, I think it’s 12:1.”
“Wow. Well it tastes pretty good just like this. Do we have any more?” Unsurprisingly during this phase of my life I didn’t fall asleep in meetings.
Coffee is integral to a morning ritual. Also, when I learned how helpful caffeine is to the athlete, speeding recovery of muscles after a run, I took to drinking a litre of coffee before my run, and then another after. I felt great. Plus, science seems to go hot and cold on coffee. It was the same with eggs. First, they were good for you, then bad, now they are good again. Is it fads or is there new information. Coffee has gone through the same cycle.
Moderation in all things.
So, it isn’t that I won’t be drinking coffee at all anymore. Especially good coffee like we have in Italy. And my coffee. I first began making this insanely delicious concoction which I still call coffee some years ago, and which I must admit doesn’t take like anything we think of when we think of coffee. And in reality, most coffee doesn’t taste all that great by itself anyway—it is naturally quite bitter.
Coffee is a morning ritual for me. A prelude to writing time. But it has also become a delicious moment to celebrate my body, my health, my mood. In my blend you will find cardamom, cinnamon, turmeric, black pepper, cloves, cayenne pepper and sometimes mace or nutmeg. When pouring it into my cup, I also blend in collagen powder (despite the lack of evidence that collagen does anything for you, I like what it does to the consistency of the cup), MCT oil, flaxseed oil, and toasted sesame oil. I certainly feel great when I drink it.
As part of a recent dietary change made as preparation for a meditation retreat, coffee was out, among many other things, and it has been surprisingly easy to switch initially to herbal teas. But on the retreat and “randomly” on my Instagram, I received a promotion for mushroom coffee. And I had already been adding mushroom powder from time to time to my coffee, but the idea of letting it take over had not occurred to me.
And then I had the best hot chocolate of my life. This is not a bold statement, as I drink a lot of hot chocolate. It was in Kingston, NY. It is a small little place, so small I can’t see how they stay in business. They make their hot chocolate and add various adaptogens and mushrooms if you wish. I did, and I shall be forever grateful.
The truth is that chocolate is exceptionally good for you too, and boy does it taste divine. I can’t live without the stuff. I must eat about 2-3 bars of dark chocolate (my favourite is an Italian brand that is 86%) every week, sometimes more, infrequently less. And it sure makes me feel good.
So now what? Chocolate has replaced coffee, and there are mushrooms too. And instead of straining out the “grains”, I drink the solids as well. You don’t really notice them, and when made with water instead of milk, the overall body of the drink is just right.
Hot Mushrooms and Chocolate
1 teaspoon of pure, dark, unsweetened cocoa
1 teaspoon of mushroom powder (see below)
A generous pinch of cinnamon
1 teaspoon of collagen powder
1 teaspoon of MCT oil, linseed/flax oil, and toasted sesame oil, each, any is optional
Blend a small quantity of water into the cup to create a paste before adding the rest, as it aids in stirring. Add the type of milk you wish if you wish. Enjoy.
Mushrooms have gained in awareness and popularity, and have documented health benefits. Mental clarity, energy, gut health, are all things which are reasons enough to drink them. Below is a bit on the mushrooms I use and why. Any or all of them or any combination you choose works just fine. I buy them dried as they keep best this way, and then grind them in my coffee grinder when I want to use them, either on their own or as a blend.*. Generally, I prefer to use them in a blend, but there are days when the particular profile of one is called for.
- Cordyceps: strengthens immune system and may be anti-cancer
- Lions Mane: mental acuity, focus, creativity
- Turkey Tail: immune function, fights certain cancers, enhances gut health
- Reishi: boosts immune system, anti-cancer, fights fatigue
- Chaga: antioxidant, good for general well-being. Hair, nails and skin.
- Maitake (hen of the woods): balances blood sugar, may be anti-cancer, boosts immunity, strongly anti-oxidant
- Shiitake: protect against cell damage, anti-inflammatory, stimulates the immune system
- King trumpet: promotes faster metabolism for weight loss, anti-viral, bone health, and fights certain cancers
This blend is adapted from Ryze Mushroom Coffee, which is pretty good, but it has two flaws for me. First, it contains coffee. If I wanted coffee, I would just drink coffee. It also contains other ingredients like MCT powder, which are fine, but I don’t need to pay someone else to blend this for me. And that leads me to my second reason, which is that Ryze is expensive. Okay, so are mushrooms, but why pay someone else to mix it for me? And grazing my own just when l need it actually tastes better, fresher, and the process is an enjoyable part of the morning ritual.
Verdict: it doesn’t taste the same as coffee, which may well be a good thing. Effect on Energy? Well, Much peppier thank you very much. Coffee has lost its crown.
Enjoy.
*NB…you can find out more information on these and other health-supporting mushrooms on the site healthline.com
Beyond Non-Binary 
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