My bestie doesn’t want me seeing professional dominatrices anymore

Or she’s just tired of hearing of my adventures.

She doesn’t think it’s healthy.  As she says, “they are professionals of seduction, of creating intimacy.”

“So,” I say, “isn’t that the point?”

“It can lead to addiction.”

“What’s the matter with being addicted to joy?”

“It creates impossible standards.  How can a person you meet, you date, like this woman you just met, how can she measure up to that?”

“They don’t have to.  That’s just the point.  I would be in deep danger if I were to surrender this kind of power and energy to someone in a “normal” relationship.  The whole point of a professional is that she has guard rails.  That she is professional is what reassures about her safety.”

“Well, I just think you shouldn’t see them anymore.”

And I think I just need to not tell her anymore.  

Over a few drinks recently with another dear woman friend, the subject turned to love and relationships.  She has known of my submissive tendencies for years, and how that manifested itself in my marriage, but also that I have an attraction to dominant women.  She wasn’t aware of the dominatrix part.

We were talking about dating, as she lamented her current choices and the people she has met.  The topic was chastity, which started us off.  As she said, she loves sex.  Who doesn’t really?  But she doesn’t want the person attached to it.  I can get that.  Especially if it’s a guy.  She lamented about all the guy things she doesn’t like.  I was with her the whole way. What was interesting is that for someone who loves sex, to find all the crap that comes with it, relationship baggage, boy behaviour, etc, more than the sex part is worth, is quite amazing. But I am thinking, an awful lot of people feel this way. Especially as we get older.

A dominatrix I met not too long ago expressed this very thought–that she finds fulfilment in community, and that she “gets off” from her interactions with her clients, and her friendships give her more than enough of emotional ballast, so that she doesn’t need a partner.

And this is germane to the topic as I feel that what I am “getting” from my interactions with Sex Workers is just life affirming and body affirming enough to give real joy as I transition. And do I feel that my emotional attachments to these people are any less valuable because I am paying them? Nope. It’s what they do for a living. Am I a fool? I don’t approach people I don’t think I would gel with, and certainly wouldn’t go back if I didn’t have a good time with them. Is my friend right to say it will destroy my ability to hang with friends or have intimate relationships? I don’t think so. If anything, the reassurance that they provide, just as it is with therapists, enable me to bring more balance and grace into he rest of my life.

I am coming to think, more and more, that the dominatrix is a kind of artist.  They paint with animal instincts, pheromones, spit, love and pain.  When we think about what that means, the 7^th sense, it makes me want to see and be with them even more.

And I have no problem with that.  I learn from them, I have a great time, and am surrounded by people that I find inspiring…no matter how judge me for it.

My friend: “you seem to spend a lot time with sex workers.”  But I love and respect them.  What else am I going to do?  And female me is most definitely drawn to them even more than male me was.  They’re great company.