It is important in life to have people to talk to, especially about things that are difficult to talk about. D/s is a perfect example. I am blessed in having a growing posse of people that range from real-life vanilla friends who have known me forever and who know all about me, to the most glorious Mistress that any aspiring slave could ever begin to dream or hope for, to a bevy of online and offline pen-pals and in-person pals who are from the lifestyle. These people have been invaluable to me in establishing a sense of community, but also in helping me figure all this stuff out.
One of these people is someone I have known for decades, a man with whom I have had professional and social relations for many, many years. Through a very bizarre set of impossible coincidences, I learned that he was in the BDSM community without him learning of my interest. Out at dinner one night, the conversation somehow naturally went to D/s and we began to talk. He’s a Dom; I’m a sub. I always worried what it would be like to meet a Dom…and to find that a good friend is one had the potential to be disorienting. That it has not been so, is quite nice.
Last night he told me that he does know other male Doms, and of course he knows many female subs, but that I am the first male sub that he has actually met and talked to and finds it really interesting to see a friend in this world, but on the other side of the slash. And both of us have found it interesting to talk about D/s from each of our perspectives. And I have enjoyed his gentle teasing and small incidents of exerting his own dominance with me, without jeopardising the natural flow of our long-standing friendship.
A small example? We went to dinner together to a wonderful restaurant. It was the kind of place where you choose multiple dishes for sharing. He had been there before, I had not. I asked him which ones he liked, and he told me. And then he said, “we will get those, and you choose one.” And you know what? I really liked looking down a list of 20 items and thinking about which one to order. Instead of thinking, he chose 4 and I only get to choose 1, it felt like a treat to choose one. The wonders of the submissive mind! So, when the waiter came, I asked him to help me choose, and he suggested something entirely different, so that became my choice. Dinner was beyond delicious.
At a table near ours, there was a young couple going on what seemed like a date. He wore a suit, and his hair and entire person were immaculately manicured. She was gorgeous, sitting erect, and it was fascinating to watch them. He had marvellous taste in socks—they were a riot of colour. And when they were silent for a moment, I turned to them and told him that his taste in socks was really splendid, and how wonderful it was to see a man wearing such flamboyant socks. He was chuffed. And just like that we started talking. She then went to the powder room, and we talked together the whole while. It was clear that being able to talk to us helped him let go of his nervousness. My Dom friend told me later how he had observed their dynamic outside while we were waiting for our table. The young man had dropped all of his cards and was clearly overwhelmed by his shyness and nervousness on this date. She let slip that it was their first weekend together. It was very cute, and chaste in a way.
When she returned to the table, he stood up and went to her chair and pulled it out for her and waited for her to sit down. My friend commented to him how gallant it was. How few men nowadays behave that way. And the young man said, “it is sad to say that people live without chivalry, but it is very important to me.” Oh boy! You know how I feel about chivalry. [Written about here]. I praised him effusively. He was basking in our approval. My Dom friend also commended him on his behaviour, told him that he must have had a very good teacher in his father. “Or his mother,” I quipped. “Or both,” the young man added. I turned to his date and said, “and you are absolutely divine for encouraging him to express himself in this way to you.” And she said, “I love it. I love a man who knows how to treat me. It is a wonderful mark of respect. I wouldn’t be sitting her if he wasn’t this way.”
When they left, we were still enjoying our meal, but we both rose to shake their hands and to wish them a lovely evening. It was very fun.
Sitting just behind me, almost close enough to touch, was a man perhaps in his late 50’s. Opposite him was a young woman, perhaps in her late 20’s or early 30’s. I was not eavesdropping, but his mouth was no more than a foot from my head all night. His voice was quiet and deep, but because it was so close, I couldn’t help but catch parts of the conversation. And her own voice penetrated the general hubbub. What alerted me to tune in was when he told her not to cry, and that they should go, so as not to cause a scene.
And she was saying, “I need to know,” and I didn’t really pay much attention to them after that, except that the man rose to go to the bathroom. And when he did, I turned to her, and she looked back at me, and I realised that I was looking at one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life. And I could feel all this energy coming from her, vulnerable energy, sad energy, fragile energy, hurt energy, and I just said to her, “you know what. You are the most insanely beautiful woman I have ever seen.” And she just lit up. It was like she uncrumpled, and she just regarded me with a delicacy that you reserve for when you look at something pretty that moves you, like the most incredible flower—I felt she was looking back at me in that way. It was a very odd, and special feeling.
And then my Dom friend began to flirt with her, which was highly entertaining, but made perfect sense, because he’s a Dom, and he is “single” insofar in that he is polyamory and keeps more than one sub GF. And when the man returned, we continued talking to each other. He asked me what I did for a living, and I answered, and then I asked the same, and it turned out that they both work for a friend of mine, a school friend! Small world. We kept talking and decided to move on from the restaurant and to go out for a drink together.
My Dom friend was a joy to watch as he used Dom magic to flirt with this woman, and I talked to the man as we walked. When we found a place and sat down to enjoy a bottle of wine, she kept looking at me and her eyes were telling me a thousand stories. She continued to talk to the Dom, and I continued to talk to the man, but she was looking at me, and we had the most enjoyable evening. She exchanged numbers with the Dom and Instagram handles. As we left, she lingered by my side while the two men walked out, and I told her that her beauty was the kind of beauty that lit up an entire room. And she told me, “your words are exactly what I needed to hear.” And I said, “I know that, I can feel that, but you should know it’s true. You have so much to offer. Don’t be afraid to expect the best.” And she squeezed my arm, lingering, and thanking me.
I have to say that I enjoyed watching the Dom flirt. My own flirting in life has always been what I called a submissive flirt, eyes down, “come and take me,” trying to communicate with doe eyes my deepest desire to be ravaged and despoiled by a woman…This was the complete opposite–quite, confident, and dominant. [The submissive flirt, written about here].
Later, in the taxi home, the Dom told me that he was sure that she was a sub. That she might even be the man’s sub. I don’t know about these things for my lack of experience—I didn’t pick that up from her, but what do I know? I hope that he sees her again as it was nice to be in her company. And I have to say, as a happily married man, I am not interested in chasing or even looking. But it was still a wonderful evening. What I am interested in is to be in the company of such exquisite humans. Interesting, articulate, fun people. When was the last time you went out and just picked a couple you had never met before and started having an evening together? It was a blast.
And as we rode home in the taxi, the Dom passed me his phone where he had one of his subs on the line, and she and I spoke at length about submission, and what it felt like, and how rewarding it was to serve her Master. The Dom wants her to spend some time with me to teach me and talk to me about submission. I will look forward to having lunch with her sometime soon—and without him—so we can have sub-to-sub communication. This is what its like to be in the seraglio. And just like that, I realised that part of the reason I enjoyed “chasing girls” with him that night, was that it was safe for me…that it was like being a harem girl going out to play. The innocent flirt. And I like the idea that my friend is “sharing” his sub with me as a way to help me learn and grow. It is rather beautiful.