I am feeling cocooned and protected by two new women in my life

Both Mistress and Therapist are working with me towards the same goals

There are times in our lives when great change comes about.  Phases.  Retirement.  Mid-life crisis.  Starting a family.  Making a life commitment to a partner.  Becoming self-sufficient through work.  Leaving home.  Puberty.  And a whole host of developmental steps through birth and early childhood.  These are all watershed moments, epic in our development.

The people who we are surrounded by or who we surround ourselves with at each juncture are critically important to the outcome.  As we grow in age and capability, our choice over who those fellow travellers are moves from passive participation to active ownership.  I choose my partners now; I am no longer a victim of circumstance.

It is not an accident that I sought a spirit guide, a Mistress, to help me through a watershed moment in my life.  Nor do I believe that it is an accident (I don’t believe in such things) that the Mistress I “found” was at all an accident.  She is the right one.  I learn this more and more with every passing day.  And for those of you who might be curious about what a D/s relationship is like, I would say that I am less and less able to say, the more I actually experience it.  

Had I known what would transpire, what it would feel like, I wouldn’t have believed it.  There is no reference or correlation in the public narrative.  It is a relationship that explores many facets of human relations.  The power exchange dynamic accentuates everything.  But it is also so intensely liberating to be with someone where there are clear boundaries whose very existence makes everything so much safer, more comfortable, and more sustainable.

A love relationship has in my past carried expectations of the other, demands, occasional selfishness, and certainly a desire to have one’s needs met.  D/s unmoors all of those things.  To be able to make the foundation of a relationship respect for the other person, gosh, it is so uplifting, so healthy, so wonderful, so liberating.  It still ripples through me today how Mistress told me already at the beginning that she could feel my deep respect for Her.  Oh gosh, how delicious. To feel it, yes, but then to be recognised and seen for feeling it…oh, that is the definition of sublime. 

Respect her.  Obey her.  Serve her.  It is so liberating.  So clear.  So blissful to follow these simple guides.  And as I grow into this, I feel my spirit dancing and playing with hers, like a pod of dolphins leaping with elation through the waves, twisting, graceful, acrobatic, and filled with all-body joy.  Laughter is everywhere.

It is a very different kind of love that makes it possible.  It feels so natural.  Traditional love relations carry so much weight, perhaps mostly self-imposed, and I see a glimpse of light through a door here, that may well lead to a blossoming in my life with my wife.  I certainly find that my SO and I are being more demonstrably and verbally loving with each other.  Maybe what is happening with Mistress is starting to spill over into the rest of my life.  I hope so.

In one of our times together, I asked Mistress for her advice on therapy.  I was interested in finding ways to be more present in my body, and to allow these spiritual elements to grow.  She made some very helpful suggestions, and the pursuit of those is both a fun process of experimentation, but also leading me to people who are a part of this transition.  It is so apt that my spirit animal turned out to be a butterfly.  [I wrote about finding my spirit animal here].

One of the people that I have found as part of this process is a therapist.  She is experienced in somatic therapy, a kind of talk therapy which helps to understand mind-body issues.  She is a specialist in this area, but is also experienced in a wide range of modalities, applying her methods based on our stated goals.  I am not ready to discuss the things we talk about together on this platform, just as I am not willing to share more than a glimpse of the things that transpire between Mistress and me.  There are some things which feel too intimate, where talking about them diminishes them.

But I can say this.  After three sessions I am falling for my therapist.  That’s a good sign.  She is a bit odd, very tuned into the spirit world, kink friendly, and very life affirming.  She has decades of experience, has a very quick and intuitive understanding of me, and balances all of the clinical doctor-like training and sensibility with an ease in this emotional-spiritual-erotic-developmental landscape that makes progress quick.  It is very different from the therapists I saw before [and written about here and here].  She is a lot easier to talk to.

Just as with Mistress, I have found someone who does not judge me at all, who I am not afraid to speak to openly, and who is helping me grow.  It is rare to find such a person.  And when you do, and open up so deeply so fast, it is inevitable that they soon become significant, towering figures.  I feel each of them holding my hand, walking with me, strengthening my spirit, and helping me grow.

And what does that feel like?  It is to be seen.  To know that someone really does look into you and see what’s there.  To have someone see you in this way and to encourage is healing, yes, but more than anything, so utterly liberating.  It is like discovering my own magic power.  And it fills me with hope, to think I might have it too, and to be able to bring it out, develop it, play with it.

I feel this sense of childlike wonder at what is happening to me.  The feelings that are coursing through me, the dreams that come to rational me by day, and the beautiful and rich fantasy worlds that come to me at night and describe in mysterious language the emotional and spiritual context of what I am seeing, feeling, and experiencing is just this rich and sensuous tapestry.  All these doors opening, filling me with breeze and fresh air, self-expression, the weight and burden of expectation taking flight, coming into me, relaxing me, giving me solace, energizing me, filling me with joy.

And along with this inner journey, there is also a physical journey.  To create a similar lightness of being in my body, to let go of stress, to achieve a comfort in my skin, that is the goal.  I wrote about my first experience with Biodynamic Cranio-Sacral Therapy here.  I will be doing it again soon.  There is another approach Mistress has introduced to me as well which I will try once I find a good therapist for it.  It is so much fun to be doing this.

In the past days I have been going through my correspondence with Mistress, working on capturing things in a D/s diary [so important to keep a diary].  It is very affirming to see the threads were present from the outset, and that we now weave them together, little by little, with the patience of a spider.  These are my new clothes, my new raiment.  Made by me, but with the guidance and inspiration that has come from some magical people that have stopped long enough and patiently enough to take my hand, and say, “come little one, come with me, let’s find out what lies ahead.”

14 thoughts

  1. I love how well things are going for you, my friend! I really connected with what you wrote here: I certainly find that my SO and I are being more demonstrably and verbally loving with each other. Maybe what is happening with Mistress is starting to spill over into the rest of my life. My husband and I have definitely seen this in our marriage. The benefit that I am getting, the ways in which I am evolving, surrounding my connection with Sir are definitely bleeding over into my marriage. I know it would be hard for most to understand but I think essentially what is happening…is Sir is helping me to be the best version of myself that I can be AND he brings a lot of joy to my life. Everyone else in my life benefits from this. Happy to read this post today ❤

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      1. I have a question for you, as I just noticed this in your response. Are you serving as a slave to your Mistress? Maybe you have used the term before and I just missed it, but naughty minds do want to know 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Can you tell me more? What is behind the question? Do you feel that you are going in this direction? I don’t really know what it means. Mistress is not at all accidental. One night over dinner she dropped the word once into conversation, and she wasn’t even talking about me. But the rattled around in me until I asked her. We have spoken about it. I am not really all that submissive in many ways, but part of me wants to discover if I might actually be able to become her slave. Neither one of us know what that means, and it may take years to find out.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Well, I suppose I asked because I see a distinction between submissive and slave (and I have no idea if these thoughts are correct or if they represent the majority of D/s practitioners….this is just how I have come to think of it). In my mind, a submissive chooses to serve his/her/their Dominant. The sub and Dom/Domme negotiate rules, expectations, punishments, etc. I’ve always seen slavery as a bit more advanced. Conceptually, the Master owns the slave and can proceed as she/he/they wishes to. This may include loaning the slave out, controlling finances, controlling good intake…controlling everything. In another universe… one where I could live with Sir, I would choose to be his slave if would have me. I don’t think this could work for us while I am married to Daddy. But yes, the idea of him having this level of control over me is very attractive to me. Of course…living it would be a whole other matter! It goes much deeper than the level of submission that I am currently living. So, I’ve shared my thoughts on submissive vs. slave… I would LOVE to read something you articulate on the subject! And again, these are just my thoughts. I have no idea if this represents how others see things. XOXO

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  2. Thank you. There are no universals in this. We all find our way. I remember one of our first exchanges was in relation to whether I was more submissive…and certainly “slave” would fit that concept. That was before I began to discover this path. Mistress has said to me subsequently that although we had only discussed submission, and a rather gentle one at that, that her intuition told her that the word “slave” needed to be introduced in discussion. That it took on a life of its own is proof of her wisdom. That said, we “negotiate” in the sense that we talk about everything. Communication, clarity, being open are primordial to any relationship, and given the intensity of power exchange, all the more important in this dynamic. What it actually means to be a slave to a Mistress is something that we will discover over time. Our boundaries are real. My own family and relationship with my S.O. must come first–this is critical for me, and is something that matters as much to Mistress. She has other expectations and boundaries for me as well as her own. These boundaries if anything enhance our ability to interact, and for me, make it possible to do so with less fear…allow me to focus on the aspects of our dynamic without the baggage that can come with a vanilla relationship. We are both only just learning what it means for me to be her slave…and I suspect that it will be very different than how other slaves of hers relate to her. But I relax into it, and feel myself growing, because I trust in her genuine desire to see me grow as a person. Who could ever ask for more? And what amazes me is that this is how she is with all of her subs, caring for them, and I think this is quite unusual. And I am also amazed that this is exactly how I approached her at the beginning. And I just relish the things I am learning and feeling because of having met her.

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