Why we Submit

I have had a hangup which I know is hypocritical, and yesterday, my Domme helped me work my way through it.

It is this…somehow I have found it hard to accept that Doms (as in dominant males) and female subs exist–because society already seems so stacked against women that further acts of submission just felt politically wrong. But the fact is, there are many such relationships. As I explained to my Domme, maybe I wouldn’t feel that way if society were more equal.

She gently pointed out to me that indeed it was hypocritical, and eloquently explained why different people are submissive. She explained that for some submissive, re-enacting daily humiliations becomes a form of therapy, whereby they gain control and find empowerment through D/s. I hadn’t considered that.

For many people, she explained, what they live through D/s helps them gain control of what they cannot control in their day-to-day lives, and maybe that is sexual, a fetish, but it could also just as easily be feelings of powerlessness, impotence, weakness…and that without the outlet of D/s, it would be even harder for them to cope.

When I think of my own need to submit it is different, but the catharsis is the same. I am not into humiliation or degradation. On the contrary, I love to feel that my submission is wanted, desired, desirable. We joked and laughed about how I submissive flirt with everyone I meet practically, and how many freebies and upgrades and special things I am given by women for approaching them in this way.

So I learned something very important. We all come to D/s for different reasons, and the fulfilment we get from D/s experiences can have many different starting points and ending points. She opened my eyes. My Mistress has a gift.

I would be very curious to know how any of you have experienced either your Dominance or submission, and how that is affected by your position, gender identity, and social being…