Sometimes very emotional people show no emotion at all. They hide their feelings behind a protective shield and don’t let anyone in. I have always been an emotional person.
Recently, I discovered that being emotional and not being able to control emotions is quite common in people with ADHD. Me. Diagnosed as a child; confirmed as an adult.
As a coping mechanism, many ADHD people overcompensate by suppressing their emotions, bottling them up, because expressing them is too wild and out of control.
Growing up, my family all thought I was unemotional, cold, aloof. The truth was that my emotions raged beneath the surface. The emotional noise I experienced was so overwhelming, it made it difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning, which led to my diagnosis. Keeping a cold, if brittle, exterior lid on things made it easier to get through life.
I remember in high school as all of us were coming to terms with relationships and it was fashionable to talk about feelings, my friends criticised me for not opening up more, for being so hard to read.
I didn’t want to be like that. But I was afraid of the intensity of feeling. I was afraid of losing control.
Does anybody remember the movie Benji, about the dog? I remember seeing that movie for the first time and crying when one of the bad guys kicked the dog and he yelped in pain. I kept quiet because I didn’t want anyone to know, but tears streamed down my face, sniffles followed. My sibs teased me for years after that.
I cried for hours at Ted Kennedy Jr’s speech at his father’s funeral, about the story he related of life after losing his leg. How his father tough-loved him out sledding, and he said he couldn’t do it climb back up the slick hill, and his father said, “you can do anything, and we’ll do it together, even if it takes us all day.”
You can see the speech at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m86jKLjV7-I and the relevant quote above begins at 3:35.
I cry at movies all the time. I can’t help it. But it can happen just as easily with a comeback story, triumph over the odds. Or even in daily life. The 2009 Kentucky Derby brought me to tears. Calvin Borel riding Mine That Bird 50:1 is dead last up until the last turn and then weaves through the entire field to pull out for the second biggest upset in Derby history. It is worth the watch. Priceless, though is the interviewer who asks Calvin still breathless from victory what he has to say…brings me to tears every time. He cries out for his dead parents to see what he made of himself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_jAM7vBJY4 The clip for the interview starts at 3:25
And then I went and told my S.O. about this incredible race, and how this jockey and horse came from behind, but I couldn’t even finish the story. I got all choked up each time, and just couldn’t do it. She was puzzled, amused, laughed, and then we laughed together. In this way she is a little like me.
When it comes to emotions, I am like a cracked open oyster, raw, defenceless. I don’t know if I experience emotions any stronger than anyone else, but I do know that I can get to them in a flash, and that they can render me unable to speak or do much until I have time to recover.
Even the lyrics of a good song.
Don’t get me wrong, I am no cry baby. I cry more often from happiness from sad.
And this is where D/s comes in. D/s lifts the lid on my emotions. The ideal Domme for me is an emotional horse whisperer.
A healthy D/s dynamic begins with trust. As a sub, I place extraordinary trust that she will care for my emotional well-being. That is why I see her, and that is what we explore.
And the ability of a Domme to summon forth my emotions by exercising her power never ceases to amaze me. It is like a drug, and one that makes me cry in session, but feel happy and energized in the rest of my life. It fuels my creative energy and puts a spring in my step and a smile on my face.
I read recently that 70% of male subs cry with their Dommes in session. I don’t know how anecdotal that is, but is that true? Does anyone have experience with this and can share?