Yesterday’s UK Supreme Court Ruling was a Kick in the Guts

Is this the end of “trans women are women?”

I listened to the ruling. Chilling.  When I heard the Judge read it out, the verdict was that I am not a woman, even though my birth certificate says so.  Even though half of my anatomy is female…and I am ruled by oestrogen, but because I possess XY chromosomes even though my secondary sex characteristics are female, I am a man.

One thing I couldn’t get over was the sententious and overbearing tone of an old white man…and this odd, inescapable feeling of how representative of the system of oppression that so many feel and live, and how oblivious such people are to real suffering. Uncaring? Evil? Selfish?

So, in theory that means I have to go to the men’s room. I don’t plan on it. I will pee on the floor outside before I set foot in a men’s room.

When I think about the idea that a trans woman invades women’s spaces and is a predator for doing so, it makes me feel ill.  I nearly vomited when I listened to the ruling.  And then I thought ‘I want to kill myself.’ There are some great posts/articles coming out on the truth of this. I shall share anon.

I won’t live in a patriarchy.  And while I have enough things left to live for now, I will begin ticking off the boxes of the ones that keep me here, and one by one, take care of them.  It is a metaphorical kicking out of the chair under the hangman’s noose. What is that wooden block game that you pull once piece out a at a time until the whole structure collapses? Jenga?

I can’t help but think that what the Supreme Court did was unveil a ruling which feels so representative of the Jenga moment for the status quo. But revolutions don’t just happen. Civil disobedience is what comes next.

There will be consequences from this ruling.  Many trans people will contemplate suicide.  I hope that trans men will be more explicitly embraced by my trans sisters, for if we ever needed them, it is now. After all, even though nobody talks about them, they are just as profoundly impacted as trans women are. And what of the intersex people? This ruling effectively erases the life and struggle of the 0.5% of the world who is trans, and the 1.5% of the world who is intersex. And of course all the butch-looking, manly looking cis women…godspeed with the panty police, those male officers appointed to inspect inside the panties of women. The headlines will be as glorious as the reality is vile.

I hate the idea of being a martyr, but I won’t use the men’s room.  So what do I do?  And what do I do if I need to change at the gym? Trust in the absence of TERF’s?  And get this, it’s okay to use the women’s room as a trans woman if you “pass”. How toxic is that? Just an echo of the same patriarchal thinking that leads to pretty privilege. And this at a time when the NHS is increasingly restricting access to hormones, surgery, care.

What else is weird? If nobody knows you are trans then it is okay to use the women’s room, but it is also illegal to not disclose. If the ruling enshrines my status as a transgender person, and one who cannot be discriminated against, does that mean the UK needs to start building or repurposing bathrooms? Who’s paying for that? My response? I’m not trans anymore. I’m a woman. Don’t tell me I don’t pass; just call me ugly.

And what if I do use the women’s room?  Will I be arrested?  Will I be placed on the sex offenders register?  You might as well make me wear an armband and pack me into a train with the rest of my trans brothers and sisters. Think it’s far-fetched? What of the list that the Trump administration is compiling of trans people? To what end?

I am not one for burning books, but I have moved the Harry Potter books in my library to a new pride of place next to Mein Kampf. It is hard to fathom how someone, anyone, decides to make a “righteous crusade” against an oppressed minority and thinks she is in the right. One can be certain that there will come a time where her “statue” will be removed from public life just as it has for all white male racists whose statues have been removed for representing a world and society we no longer wish to celebrate.

When an “august” institution gathers together with the full weight of its national authority, and pronounces in judgement, it manifests the Divine Masculine in its most toxic form.  

I love women.  I give my life to women. I am devoted to women in every way.  But I also wish that my trans brothers, the natal women, the hirsute, butch, men that they have become, make a point of going to the women’s room, as this is what the law has ordered, that we all owe where our “biology” says…aligned with our sex at birth. And I pray for this, and for solidarity with all trans and intersex people. And yes, I do not like it when trans people claim the mantle, but won’t stand up for us, for themselves, and instead continue to hide behind privilege. Those who remain in the closet have nothing to say. No matter the excuse.

And what do I do with my birth certificate?  The UK government says they don’t care what the paperwork says.

I have shared that the UK is the only place in the world where I have been physically assaulted, and where I am verbally abused in one form or another almost every day.  London, a “trans paradise” in the words of someone I adore and who is my big sister, is sadly not a safe place for trans people.

It is a very strange feeling knowing that I am not safe existing in the two countries that I have passports for.  I’m running out of places in the world to live.

And this is not some abstract thought. I needed to use the changing room and shower at my gym the other day. The first time. I was terrified that some woman would be upset, or say something, but even more terrified to be with men. In the end I turned to change, but the absence of bits is impossible to hide. And when I turned around, the one woman present looked me in the eye in a way that only a woman seems capable of: tears, empathy, understanding, compassion, protection, love…all at once. She saw me in a way that also saw my fragility, my fear, vulnerability.

When I first came out, decided to come out, on an Ayahuasca trip, the wisdom which came was so simple: do as a woman would do, in all situations. At first that was an active process, decisions; now it is simply a state of being.

What next?  Do I need to seek asylum? Move to Canada or New Zealand?  Italy, where I live, has a right wing government. How long will that be safe?

And you might wonder why “safe” is the word. Well, a ruling like this makes it “okay” for a bigot to be a bigot. And the farce of saying that transgender people will not be discriminated against is so absurd given that is what the ruling is. Thankfully, not one trans person was consulted by the Court in their review, making the outcome an absurdity. Easily challenged. But what a waste of time and energy…and to see JK Rowling smoking a cigar and cheering the outcome as an advancement for feminism is chilling in its weirdness—how did this children’s book author become a shill? And how does denying society’s most vulnerable minority the basis of humanity become something to be proud of?

I don’t understand why anyone cares about us.  We are perhaps 0.5% of the populace, or 1-in-200 people.  Trans women, which this ruling was designed to target, are roughly 1-in-400.  Has there ever been an instance of a trans woman (and I mean someone on HRT) committing violence against a woman in a public restroom?  I get it.  Predatory men might use the cover of self-identification as a way to do what they would do anyway.  Nearly all sexual violence is perpetrated by men.

The irony is that it is trans women who are most likely to experience sexual violence and harassment…by men and by women.

As such it is hard to see how this ruling is other than hate crime.

I had been asked several months ago to speak about the real-life trial of Rebecca Nourse, the last woman to be executed for witchcraft in the colonial US.  The play about her trial, Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, is running at The Globe theatre in London until July—do go. We don’t need to look very far to find parallels to the witch hunts of today: the rollback of abortion rights in the US and this attack on transgender women.  And the women who rejoiced at the ruling, the supposed “Feminists are overjoyed” crowd are mistaken to think that this ruling isn’t about them.

And what of the intersex people, an estimated 1.5%, 2 in every 300?  They are people whose genetics don’t match their bodies.  And how is that any different from a transsexual?  There are people born with XY chromosomes who have female bodies.  Or who are hermaphrodites.  

This excellent Ted Talk by an intersex woman raises some profound issues. “What I’ve learned from having balls“

I don’t want to be a martyr or a statistic, but when the entire power structure seeks to not only erase us, but to degrade us, it becomes quite hard to bear.

For the next few days, I think I will just be crying.  Good thing I fly tonight to stay with my 3:00 am friend.